2 Eulogies to Remember
In the last four days I’ve performed two funerals. They could not have been anymore different and yet anymore the same. As I sit back this afternoon and reflect on those two services there are some things that make me think about a few things.
The first service was for a 93 year old woman. She had been in a nursing home for several years. Her family lived across the country and she had been ruled incompetent and placed under the state’s care. I do not know how long it had been since she had seen her family. I was not even sure anyone would be at the funeral to remember her. It was going to be a quiet burial at the graveside. I went to the cemetery expecting to stand at the grave with just the funeral director. When we got to the service the director told me that two of her friends were driving down from Flint for the service. When they arrived they shared a story of her life and then we laid her to rest.
The second service was for a 76 year old man. He was vibrant and full of life. He still farmed and worked around his property. Went on trips with his wife and loved having his family around him. We gathered in the funeral home to honor him and remember his life. Over 200 people gathered to be with his family in their time of grief. His family shared stories and they smiled as they remembered the joy he brought to their lives.
That is how the services were so different. One service was attended by only 2 people and the other by over 200 people. Were their lives so different that at the end of their lives the services were so different? It is impossible to truly know. One had lived long enough that all of her friends had passed or were no longer able to honor her. She was separated from her family by many miles. So on the day she is laid to rest 2 friends drove to see her off.
When we said goodbye to the man over 200 people took the day off of work, set aside time to come and pay their respects. It seems that their lives ended so differently. One surrounded by family as he passed away. They surrounded him with love in his last days. The woman died alone in hospice, only those 2 friends that would see her at the end. As I stood and talked for both of them, I wondered what made the difference. I have some ideas that really would not answer the question anyway.
The thing they do have in common is this: they did not leave this world alone. It amazed me that her two older friends drove over an hour one way to spend a few moments beside her grave. The wife told me simply, “We didn’t want her to be buried all alone.” They were devoted to seeing their friend leave this world with someone noticing. It was a moving gesture of friendship that I will never forget. There was also a room full of people there to say goodbye to my friend’s father. A room full of people who did not want them to be alone either.
When you add everything up in this life I think we all get the same number. We all want someone, anyone there to be around on the day we say goodbye to this world. Both of these people died and though the crowds were nowhere close to the same size they goodbye the same way. They were surrounded by people who loved them and cared for them deeply. We want the same thing: to be remembered as someone worth remembering. So we need to live each day with the end in mind. Each day we decide how people will remember us. Every day we are writing our eulogy. What do you want said on that day? Well, only you can decide. Make sure it is something worth remembering.