A Life Without the B.S. #2
No Blowing Sunshine
We live in a different kind of world today. Everything is on social media and events happen and then the whole world can see it almost instantly. We can now live stream across the world on the phones in our pockets. When I was first learning about BS the only phones around were on a wall in the kitchen or living room and on the corner you had to put coins in to get them to make a call. Anyway, I’m getting off track with this post already. I meant to say that we broadcast our lives for the world to see and many times we even go so far as to change the story.
Some people are not always comfortable with the truth of their lives. They try to act like they are not who they are and that their life is more under control than it truly is. I grew up in churches that it was this way. If we just dressed up and showed up on time and sat up straight then it all looked good. I grew up in churches that said and sometimes shouted Amen when the preacher got on a roll. As a kids we would get pep talks about being good and listening and memorizing the stories. We worked hard to put on a good face for Sundays. We were not alone. Funny how the one place you could come for forgiveness was the one place you could not show any of your faults. As I grew up I realized that this was not the way it should be.
My parents worked hard to make sure that we grew up telling the truth. Just not so much for those times at church where we would be judged for not quite measuring up to what others expected of us. Even with all the dressing up on Sundays we were always encouraged to never lie. I can remember times we would get in trouble and then try to tell a different story to escape the penalties. My mom would sometimes just look at us and say, “I’m going to give you one chance to tell me the truth.” It is funny how when my own sons were growing up I would hear myself saying the same thing to them. I was raised to not lie. I was raised to not trust liars. But, then I would listen to adult conversations and realize that lying was a part of life.
We have been taught that a little white lie is alright, as long as you are doing it to not cause pain to someone else. You just can’t tell a little white lie to keep yourself out of trouble. It was always that approach to truth telling that made me question stuff as a kid. I watched adults telling little lies, but as soon as a kid did all bets were off. We were punished and it was not enjoyable at all. So that is why as I got older the lying stuff became a big deal in our home. I wanted my boys to tell the truth. The hard part was that Shelly and I had to set the example. If they watched us tell little lies then they would find it easier to tell little lies.
Now I find myself many times sitting across the table from someone who has serious questions about their life and what is happening in it. They ask me questions about themselves, situations or the future and I’m faced with a decision on what I will say to them. It has prompted me to ask them a question when they need to face a hard truth or reality. I ask them at times a simple question that will determine how the rest of our conversation and maybe friendship goes. I’ll look at them and simple ask: “Do want me to make you feel good, or tell you the truth?” It is tough to look at someone and tell them they are screwing up their life, or that they are just wrong. It can be tough, but necessary to help people. The problem is that we all think what we know they need to hear, but getting it to come out of our mouths is a whole different story.
So how do we do it? How do we cause a temporary pain to stop a permanent crash in someone’s life? Well wouldn’t you know the Bible has an idea of how to do it. In Ephesians chapter 4 the Apostle Paul gives us a hint. He writes: Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. [Ephesians 4:14-15 (NLT)]
The first thing we have to do is to simply grow up. We have to stop thinking; acting and being like children when it comes to the truth. We need to realize that the truth hurts. So we better be ready to receive it with an open mind. Every once in a while we are the ones who need a dose of reality. We have to be big enough to give and receive the truth. It means to be mature and take the no or take the correction that you need. It also means we have to grow up and tell the truth no matter what it might cost us.
Secondly, we need to recognize the “Sunshine Blowers”. We can all tell when someone is shining us on. Some people you know it because their mouths are moving. Those are the people you either avoid or just realize that you need to shake off most of the things they say to you. You need to know who those people are around you and let them go. Maybe not out of your life completely, but when it comes for you depend on then find someone who will be honest with you. After all we don’t need friends that are historians, who can tell us they thought that was a bad idea, we need truth tellers. Be smart enough to feel what direction the wind is blowing and what it means.
There is this third part of not blowing sunshine. It is important. Paul says to “speak the truth in love.” It is one thing to tell the truth. Sometimes we even want to tell the truth when we have not even been asked our opinion. God wants us to speak the truth, but he wants us to do it out of a heart of love. After all, isn’t that the only reason we would step into a conversation where someone is going to possibly decide they no longer want to be our friends. It is because we love them that we will even say the words. Love doesn’t mean we soft sell or don’t say anything because we don’t want to hurt someone. Love means we have the relationship in the first place. That the person we love is placed before the truth. Do you value them enough to not just say some words but to say words that are actually helpful to them? We need to decide that love will lead our words, but that love will push us to say what needs to be said no matter what.
To live a life without the BS of Blowing Sunshine will change everything not only for us, but for each person in our life. So we have to decide if we will let the sunshine be something nature provides? Or will we be blowing it around and not really doing any good for anybody?