Fixer Upper 3 – Bedroom: Our Most Intimate Relationship

Sometimes when I watch the shows on TV about fixing up houses I often wonder why they would put so much money into a bedroom. I mean seriously, you spend thousands on a room that hopefully only two people will ever really enjoy. Some of them have a reading nook or a love seat in them. Who wants to spend that much time in a room away from everyone? When you have a party you don’t invite everyone in to watch the game in there. Can’t you see everyone crawling up on the bed and enjoying the game? It would just be weird. So another question hits me when I see these shows. I wonder if the couple puts as much work into their marriage as they do to planning how they are going to fix up their bedroom.

That being said, I wanted to take a little time to write about God’s design for us from the book of Micah. Micah 6:8 says, “The LORD has told you, human, what is good; he has told you what he wants from you: to do what is right to other people, love being kind to others, and live humbly, obeying your God.” I believe this is a pattern we can use to “fix up” our marriages so that they can become even stronger. We might sit back and think our marriages are just fine. But then once we take a closer look at them we realize we could use some fixing up. So what if we let God’s design “fix up” our marriage? What does it look like to follow this design and how can it change our lives?

The first thing is to do what is right for each other. I can’t tell you what right is for your marriage. I’ve been married for 30 years and I know some people probably think our marriage is crazy at times. I’m sure people look at Shelly and I and wonder how we make this whole marriage thing work out. We look at people around us and wonder how they make their whole marriage work at times. That is the thing about marriage; no two of them are alike. That is why all the advice and books on marriage are a good starting point, but not the final word for each of our marriages. It is find what is right for each other and for us at the same time. Paul wrote these words in 1 Corinthians 7:2 – 4: “…each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should give his wife all that he owes her as his wife. And the wife should give her husband all that she owes him as her husband. The wife does not have full rights over her own body; her husband shares them. And the husband does not have full rights over his own body; his wife shares them.

The Bible talks about us owing each other. I know, I know that sounds horrible. No one likes to owe anyone. We entered our marriages in love and thinking it would all be an awesome adventure each day. If we are honest we have our good days and then the rest of our days in our marriage. But, if we wake up each day believing that we owe each other a great day and love and we both work as hard as we can to end up with a payment made in our commitment we can see our marriage full of doing what is right for each other. It is in knowing that someone has chosen to spend their lives with us in the most intimate relationship so we can help but be grateful and look for a way to pay them back for their choice. If we live in our marriage looking to do what is right for each other then we can have a happy and very blessed marriage.

The second part of God’s design for our marriages it to love being kind to each other. Kindness is listed as an attribute of love in 1 Corinthians 13. I think it is vital to a marriage that we are kind with each other. After all, whenever two people are together you can bet on the fact that problems won’t be that far behind. I always joke that if we never have a disagreement or argument then one of us is unnecessary. It is inevitable that we will get on each other’s nerves and drive each other crazy at times. This is where kindness comes in. Will we be kind during the tough times?

Do we start an argument to win it, or to make things better for both of us? Al Capone was quoted as saying, “You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.” The gun we have to use is that kind word when it comes to our relationship within marriage. If you have to bring up a touchy subject can you lead with kindness or do we go straight for the jugular? How much would these tough times be changed if we just chose kind and loving words to express our thoughts and disappointments? Most fights would be over a heck of a lot faster than adding some cruel words that will start a different argument all together. So leading with a kind word and heart will help us find our way through the tough times and make our marriage stronger. Living with Ephesians 4:2 in front of us will help us remember how powerful kindness can be in our lives. “Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ.” Write these words where you can see them every day.

One of the things we have to realize is that the last part of God’s design for our marriages. Towards the end of the Old Testament is a book called Malachi. The people of God have been in exile and returned and yet they seem to have trouble just doing what God has asked them to do in their life with Him. In Malachi 2:13 – 15 the prophet writes: “This is another thing you do. You cover the LORD’S altar with your tears. You cry and moan, because he does not accept your offerings and is not pleased with what you bring. You ask, “Why? “ It is because the LORD sees how you treated the wife you married when you were young. You broke your promise to her, even though she was your partner and you had an agreement with her. God made husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit for his purpose—so they would have children who are true to God. So be careful, and do not break your promise to the wife you married when you were young.”

What if our religion and relationship with God was only as strong and good as our commitment to the one we married when we were young. All the worship and tears are useless if we turn our back on this great commitment we made to another person. God wants us to obey Him and stay committed to each other. He doesn’t like divorce anymore than anyone else that is around. In fact there are some verses where it said that God hates divorce. It doesn’t say he hates the person who is divorced, just the divorce. It tears apart a family and part of our heart. His design is for us to do what is right for each other, love being kind to each and to live humbly with each other. If we will do those things then divorce will not be in the picture for us. So our marriages will be a great thing if we work each day to pay off the debt we owe each other.