Trouble Shooting Your Marriage 3 – Sex
Well, then there is this subject. It is something that we all think about, some more than others. Sex is a part of our marriage that many times can cause us nothing but trouble. Funny thing is that we usually do not talk to each other about it until there is a problem. Then we are usually yelling or talking strongly about how we are not satisfied with how things are going in the bedroom. So, let me give you three keys to great sex. I know 3 keys and a promise. Well here’s my shot at it.
Start With the Right Attitudes
Attitude is the key to having a great sex life as a couple. When I was growing up our church taught that sex was bad. Now they hammered us when we were in youth group with how sinful sex outside of marriage is. They never really talked about it in a positive way at all. Then something crazy happens and you get married and sex is the best thing in life. I have always wondered if they ever thought about how they shaped attitudes that would affect people the rest of their married lives. So, here are four attitudes that we need in our minds and hearts.
Sex is a gift from God
For everything that God created is good and nothing is to be rejected.
1 Timothy 4:4 (GN)
Making love in marriage is a sacred activity.
Honor marriage and guard the sacredness and guard the sexual intimacy between husband and wife. Hebrews 13:4 (The Message)
God wants husbands and wives to enjoy each other.
Be happy. Yes, rejoice in your wife. Let her tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight. Proverbs 5:18 – 19 (LB)
When sex is experienced properly it glorifies God
Use every part of your body to glorify God. 1 Corinthians 6:20
If we work on our attitude before we even get into bed it will be amazing how much more satisfying our sex life can become. If we stop and make sure that we realize our attitude should be one of glorifying God in our marriage more than anything. That would look like putting the other person first ahead of ourselves. A marriage where two people seek to serve and take care of each other whether in the bedroom or not. Let’s be honest, what goes on before we approach the bedroom makes what happens in the bedroom even greater.
Express Your Needs and Desires
It has always amazed as I talk with couples that they are upset with each other over something the two of them have never discussed at all. We end up in a bit of trouble when needs or desires are not met in a marriage because someone is going to be around that will fulfill those things if we do not. But, have we expressed our needs and desires to each other when it comes to this part of our relationship? I know it is an awkward conversation to have at times, but it beats having to talk about an affair or the marriage being over. To get you talking and expressing your needs and desires here are two questions for you to answer with each other.
- What I love about our relationship now?
- What I’d like to see change?
Those are two questions that can lead to heated talk or to a healing talk. It all depends on your attitude when you have the conversation. Always remember: Honest communication is the only way to truly know what pleases our partner.
Xplore What’s Best for Both of You
1 Corinthians 7:3 – 5 in the Message translation sets us up for the next key. “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to ‘stand up for your rights.’ Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.” We need to serve each other, to find a way to satisfy what the other needs sexually. I hear you arguing with me already. Not that the verse says a place of mutuality. Meaning that you both think of the other first. If we realize that we adjust in all the other parts of our lives together then this one should not be that big of a push for us to talk through.
Now, the word explore either makes you excited or nervous. That is why you must express your desires in words first, not just show up one night with the “Here’s Johnny” approach. We need to explore with the other person in mind and not just think for ourselves but so that once again we can glorify God in our marriages. So, as you explore keep each other’s hearts in mind and you will find that maybe variety is the spice of life.
No matter what sex is always going to be a part of marriage that can be a great source of unity or a flat-out battlefield. It doesn’t have to be that way though. Take some time and talk about the bedroom before you end up in the bedroom. Things might just go a little better for you both.